Maternal Jargon

I swear I will convulse evilly the next time I hear someone say "I'm preggo!"

Now, it's not the actual pregnancy that I am upset about, it's the inability to actually say the word pregnant. Is it more exciting news if you don't say the actual word and make people guess at what you're saying? Or is the word pregnant a naughty word? Like SEX. You know we are allowed to say those words right? No one will stone you for it. So, let's be clear here, yes? If you are in fact carrying another life within you, you are P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T. Not preggers, not pregs. Not carrying a love child withing your fertile womb.

And if you do happen to use one or more of these words, it doesn't mean that I don't like you. It doesn't make you a bad person either. It just means that I will either A) Roll me eyes at you, B) Shudder in disgust, C) Mock you to your face or behind your back, D) All of the above.

This rule also applies to other words that women are wont to abbreviate, or expand as you will. Words like Hubby. He's your Husband, the love of your life, your sex god. If you're going to give him a label, make it one he enjoys.

Also, kiddos. You here are making it harder to say a relatively simple word. Kids. By adding another syllable you are not adding cuteness to your offspring. You are in fact making me hang around and pretend for longer like I care about their talents, or the lack there of as the case may be.

Remember fondly, this doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes me hate you.