Dear little sister:
You are 14. Do not make out with your boyfriend. Your 17 year old boyfriend. That is nasty, you are still a kid. And he hasn't grown into his peach fuzz yet. When you start down that road this early in life, it just makes you get to the end faster. And you do know what is at the end of that road, right? Do we really need to have this talk? Fine. Kissing leads to rock music. Rock music leads to drugs. Drugs lead to the horizontal tango. The sheet shake. The baby dance. So please, no kissing.
And when our little brother rats you out to mom, dont look at her with big incredulous eyes and deny it. We all know that little brothers never lie.
wait...
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
thanks goodness i'm married
Lord bless my sister. she is a wonderful woman. successful, funny intelligent, accompolished, and an idiot when it comes to men.
why do women who have everything want a man who wants nothing? why does a woman with a degree and a career want to date a man who lives in his momma's basement while he completes his online courses (still! he's been "finishing" for years now).
how come when you see a really awesome man who has a job and a personality, you think he's a tool? we all like him. and by 'we' i mean everyone else on the earth.
FYI- there is nothing wrong with a man who can compete with you. children need mothers, not boyfriends. find a man who can pay for dinner every now and then. find a man who can take you back to his place without worring what his little brother will think when you pass his room in the hall. find a man who has to wash his own dishes, pay his own rent.
why do women who have everything want a man who wants nothing? why does a woman with a degree and a career want to date a man who lives in his momma's basement while he completes his online courses (still! he's been "finishing" for years now).
how come when you see a really awesome man who has a job and a personality, you think he's a tool? we all like him. and by 'we' i mean everyone else on the earth.
FYI- there is nothing wrong with a man who can compete with you. children need mothers, not boyfriends. find a man who can pay for dinner every now and then. find a man who can take you back to his place without worring what his little brother will think when you pass his room in the hall. find a man who has to wash his own dishes, pay his own rent.
Friday, January 16, 2009
To My Mother in Law:
You disgust me. I know I should have some respect for you because you are the mother of my husband, but that would be like saying the girl who got pregnant and delivered her baby at her high school prom in the bathroom and then threw it in the trash deserves respect for being a mother as well. Pushing out 5 children doesn't make you a great and accomplished mother. Dogs do that.
Enough With The Forwards Already!
Dear in-Laws:
Stop sending me these crap email forwards! I do not care if Australia is more Christian than the US. I do not care to view a lovely slideshow of Mormon Art set to the tune of some wretched Mormon Pop song that you thought was so beautiful! Stop it, stop it, stop it! I don't read this crap. I don't respond to call-to-action emails! I don't get my panties in a twist over every alleged attempt some random anti-whatever group makes to violate my rights to whatever. Just stop! Only forward me things that are funny. Like a womn getting a matching onesie set for her and her baby at her baby shower. Now, I'll read that!
Also, FIL, STOP sending out pages-long emails describing every minute of every day. I do not care about your job. Or about the concrete laying process you went through in your basement. If you want to send them to my husband, fine. But, honestly, he's not reading them either.
Sincerely,
the daughter-in-law who just wants you to leave her the heck alone!
Stop sending me these crap email forwards! I do not care if Australia is more Christian than the US. I do not care to view a lovely slideshow of Mormon Art set to the tune of some wretched Mormon Pop song that you thought was so beautiful! Stop it, stop it, stop it! I don't read this crap. I don't respond to call-to-action emails! I don't get my panties in a twist over every alleged attempt some random anti-whatever group makes to violate my rights to whatever. Just stop! Only forward me things that are funny. Like a womn getting a matching onesie set for her and her baby at her baby shower. Now, I'll read that!
Also, FIL, STOP sending out pages-long emails describing every minute of every day. I do not care about your job. Or about the concrete laying process you went through in your basement. If you want to send them to my husband, fine. But, honestly, he's not reading them either.
Sincerely,
the daughter-in-law who just wants you to leave her the heck alone!
WAKE UP UTAH!
Especially is spelled eSPecially. Please don't confuse this with eXpecially, which isn't a word.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
yes, i'm your friend. no, i don't like you
I'm really glad you have a cause you feel you want to fight for. I'm really glad that it is a cause that is good for your family. I'm really glad that your cause has caused so much attention.
But PLEASE, if you insist on representing a group of people who feel the same way, for the love of all that is holy, look like a responsible representative. Brush your hair, put on a clean shirt, tidy up your living room for the reporter.
There's a good chance you know the kinds of questions they will ask you, please have something intelligent prepared to say back to them. Try and think your answer through first so that everyone you represent doesn't look like a mindless idiot.
thanks for really putting yourself out there, but just remember, you are putting yourself out there. People are watching. Don't make us all look like idiots.
the worst interview was on KSL.
the others were okay.
But PLEASE, if you insist on representing a group of people who feel the same way, for the love of all that is holy, look like a responsible representative. Brush your hair, put on a clean shirt, tidy up your living room for the reporter.
There's a good chance you know the kinds of questions they will ask you, please have something intelligent prepared to say back to them. Try and think your answer through first so that everyone you represent doesn't look like a mindless idiot.
thanks for really putting yourself out there, but just remember, you are putting yourself out there. People are watching. Don't make us all look like idiots.
the worst interview was on KSL.
the others were okay.
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